whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
