Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize