We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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