i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
