Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
