I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize