if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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