We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
