you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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