Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
