I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
