How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
