He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
