Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
