just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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