Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
