2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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