If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
