It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
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