This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
