I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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