i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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