i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
