i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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