If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
