pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
