Will you blow on my dice?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
they're like a gay fantastic four
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
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