You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
