he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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