If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
