found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
