for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
