If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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