Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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