I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
