Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
he thought i was a dude.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
