I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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