I feel great
I just peed on a car
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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