Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
