I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
