I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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