pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just gift wrapped bread.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
