The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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