I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
