Umm I'm too high to move.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
