The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
