so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize