I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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