worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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