there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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