Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
