apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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