I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
