If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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