My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
