Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
