ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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