i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
