My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
My apartment stinks of burning failure
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
