Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
