At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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