I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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