my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
