why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
