Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
