you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
