I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
