pop tarts are not kleenex
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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