Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
