He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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