i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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