honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
