You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
