wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
We got so high we made milksteak
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
