Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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