Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
