just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
